You Aren't and You Are
by Brent-Ka
Summary: The night of his sixteenth birthday, Tails has to deal with....several Tails-es? A introspective written for the fox's actual birthday. Oneshot


I had fallen asleep roughly two hours ago and currently, I have decided, am facing the most boring nightmare my mind has ever produced.

Yeah, I knew it was a dream. There's no way the world could pull one of it's grand ole 'No, _it's real_." shticks on me because I had spent the last 4 hours desperately trying to get some much needed rest for an early start tomorrow You know, it being my birthday and all.

Plans are already in place, a full day of me and Sonic racin' about followed by consuming a cake twice the size of my head. Oh, and a couple gallons of mint chocolate chip ice cream. I'm not gonna let that one aspect of childhood go no matter how many years pass. I've even convinced the whole gang to spend an hour or two with me at the Aviation Museum. It'll be nice to actually get some sort of conversation 'bout Anthony Fokker and Montgolfier even it's forced out of their clenched teeth. Whatever, sixty minutes of me blathing on about aircraft isn't such a high price to pay for inventing crap that saves their life is it? They can live with it.

But everyone on earth has to put up with today before they could reach tomorrow and before I could end this particular today, I have to stomach this lame attempt at scaring myself.

The dream is surprisingly lucid. I know what was going on and everything. The catch is, no matter how hard I try, I just can't wake up, and believe me I want to.

I had spent what felt like three hours standing in an empty black void doing absolutely nothing but stare at myself.

Well, it wasn't really myself. It was sort of like when you're in kindergarten and the teacher asks you to draw how you look, and from that moment on, that's how you _think_ you look for the rest of your life mirrors be damned? Yeah, that's what I was staring at. The image of myself that I never exactly was. It's the tiny differences that make this one up. No unsightly rooster comb for bangs, eyes not so glaringly huge. Roughly the image of what I want to be.

'Cept it just keeps smiling at me. And neither of us have said a word since this stupid dream started.

"Well if you were that bored." It looks at me, it's smile growing wider. "I'll start it than. I was wondering if you were just gonna sit there until the night was over or something."

"Cute, you're reading my thoughts. Nice to now my brain is so interested on boring me to death." I scoff a little.

"I'm not reading your thoughts, I _am _your thoughts. Well sorta anyway, I'm actually more of an outside force. It's a little complicated." The other me shrugs. ""It is required of every man, that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen..."

Then it clicks. My mind isn't just trying to bore me, it's trying to show off how intelligent it is at the same time.

"Seriously?" I chuckle a bit. "A Christmas Carol? Ooo, can my ghost of birthday future be like some sort of skeleton fox in a robe? That'd be cool."

The other me frowns a bit. "I was just trying to explain myself, you don't have to get so defensive. But if you want to put in those terms, than yeah I'm a lot like what Dickens was writing about. Not necessarily Marley, because you've been a halfway decent guy and you're still alive to boot. Maybe it'd be easier to explain it this way. We're going to take a little trip..."

"Where to?" I start to get a little interested in this. Maybe the night won't be so much of a waste after all. 'Specially if the good old noggin could cook up a story like this.

"Everywhere at everytime." My doppelganger slowly faces away from me. "We'll meet everyone and do everything."

"That seems...a little taxing for one night." I try to point out.

The other me just shakes his head, still not facing me. "Ya know there's several people who claim to have lived thousands of years in a dream, and upon waking up were shocked and disappointed to find only a day had passed? You don't need to worry about your time. You need to worry about who you are."

"If we're gonna argue that particular facet of philosophy, don't you worry." I fold my arms. "I know perfectly well who I am."

"Yeah, who **you** are. But the other you's...er...The Not-Tailses..." The other me trips up a bit. "I'll just show you. One by one. Oh, by the way..." It turns around to face me. "How's this?"

While the rest of it's body's remains furry and distinctly Tails-like, it's face is now a perfectly empty fox skull, almost like a picture ripped out from a biology book.

"Huh." I squint a bit. "I was kind of hoping for an all-skeleton thing. Sorry."

"You're just not that easy to scare anymore." The other me looks disappointed. In the blink of an eye, it's face returns without so much as a single special effect. "Guess you really are growing up a bit. But you still have a lesson to learn." It begins to walk forward into the void.

"Hey hold on for a second." I reach up to stop him. "Why do I have to learn anything? Have I really been that much of a jerk lately?"

It stops, not turning around to face me again. I imagine this time it's putting on googly-eyes or a fake mustache or something.

"How'd ya spend those last few hours before you went to sleep? All that rolling around in your bed, your reflections on mortality, your prayers that tomorrow ends up being as good a day as any other...but you know what happened? Somewhere you had that little depressing seed sprout didn't you? The one that cried out, 'It's been sixteen years but do they really _mean_ anything?' than you forgot about about it, buried the seed and went on with your thoughts."

The other me turned around again, although his face wasn't any different. It was almost kind of disappointing.

"This is your punishment for so much as briefly questioning your self-worth. You aren't and you are." It finishes cryptically before walking on. "Oh." It continues walking as I slowly begin to follow. "And things are going to get confusing. You're better off if you stop thinking of me the 'other you'. Just Guide will do."

"Guide? A little generic isn't it?"

"Are you gonna be like that the whole time? Snark at everything anyone says?"

"Yeah pretty much." I nod.

"Good. Keep that up."

And as we keep walking the void melts away.

* * *

It's replaced by a grassy field. Bright sunlight, multi-colored flowers everywhere and even a tall singular tree sticking up from the middle of it. It seems familiar. _Very_ familiar. The thing is, I also know that I've never seen this place before in my life.

"I like it here." I mention as both Guide and I walk through the meadow. "Sort of a public broadcasting kid's show vibe to it."

"Don't remind me." Guide laughs a little. "Remember that one about the mannequin that came to life whenever they put that ha-ah good he's here."

"Who's..." I stop as I look down. Sitting right under the tree is...well...me again. Only this me is a lot smaller me. Couldn't be more than five years old. He's also crying his retinas out.

"Poor little fella." I bend down to pat him on the head. "I've been there before." I ruffle the rooster bangs for a second. Weird. I never noticed before but they look kinda cute on a little me. "I take it he can't see or hear us right?" I look up at Guide.

"Right. That's how these things usually work." Guide leans against the tree.

"'Tey bwoke it." Mini-Tails mumbles to himself clutching a headless Captain Vulpes action figure to his chest. "'Tey bwoke my towy"

"Okay." I raised an eyebrow. "I remember getting that thing busted into pieces, but I don't remember having that accent. Or coming here to cry about it for that matter."

That part was really off. This whole wide wonderful field place isn't the type of place you'd go to cry to. It was too open, there was way too much sunlight, and the mood was just so darn happy it was hard to even sob seriously here. The best crying, I learned a long time ago, took place in dark small rooms where nowhere could hear you, let alone see you.

"Captain Vulpes." Guide yawns a bit. "The great defender of justice! Thrill as he takes on the hordes of evil using only a five dollar budget and a spaceship that you can tell is actually a cigar on strings!"

"Hey, don't knock it." I look up. "That show meant a lot to me as a kid. Always wanted to be a space pilot saving the world from hordes of evil using a giant cigar."

Both of us sort of stay there for a bit, watching the little guy. Everything just gets more and more off. He's not stopping to sob or even breathe, he's just clutching the toy mumbling to himself while he slowly depletes his body of salt.

"So what's the big less-" I start and than get blown over as a huge gust of wind arrives on the scene. I know that gust. I've known it for over a decade. Good, I'm glad to know Sonic's finally here. He can take care of...

Wait, a sec. I broke that figure way before I met Sonic...

I struggle to stand up as I look at the hedgehog that just arrived. Er...well it's sort of Sonic.

It's just too weird for words. This Sonic's got more quills than Thomas Jefferson, not to mention, well biceps. He looks more like Superhog than anything.

"Well HELLO THERE!" He booms, nearly knocking me over again. "What seems to be the TROUBLE?"

"Okay, what is this?" I look over at Guide who's put his head in his paws.

"One of these...great." Guide mumbles a bit.

"This is not how I met him! And for that matter that isn't Sonic!"

"Yeah, this is how _he_ met him." Guide points to the kid me. "And this is Sonic as much as the kid is you."

"'Tey bwoke my twoy mistah." Mini-Tails looks up at the Sonic impersonator. "Than they pulled my tails and called me dumb."

"Why that's NOT RIGHT." The I Can't Believe It's Not Sonic shook his head so furiously I thought it was going to fall off. "Why don't you come with ME and I will DEFEND you from EVIL?" The two clasp paws and blast off in less than a second.

"That's...that's sort of what happened." I wrinkle my forehead. "Maybe. Kind of. Not really."

"We're not done with this one just yet." Guide warns and the scenery melts away again.

Now when in some sort of city like landscape. I say "city-like" because the buildings are gray, flat and lifeless and on closer inspection, are made of actual cardboard. To tie it all together, there's a giant robot stepping on things while Arnold Schwarzenhog runs around the place spin dashing at it's legs.

"Now we're a little later on." Guide walks around, ignoring the battle. "Right about now, our little friend is roughly the same age as you are. There he is, see?" He points near a building where the same Mini-Tails is looking at the fight completely fascinated. "Alright!" He yells in a less accented, but still too squeaky voice. "You can do it Sonic!"

"Okay. So...why is he just standing there making random comments?" I ask, totally confused.

Guide shakes his head a little slightly. "Some people see childhood as an end-all, an escape to where times were better when they still had innocence, when the whole world was open to them. Some of "Them" however see you as the prime example of that."

"Some of who? And that's nuts. Innocence and freedom don't die with the end of childhood, they're around as long as ya want 'em to be." I point out.

"Do you understand this though?" Guide looks at me. "You're ageless."

"He isn't me!"

"No, he's not _you. _He's Tails."

"No, no, no, stop." I hold up a paw and everything freezes quite literally. The Soniclone in mid-air, the tiny doppelganger in mid cheer, the robot in mid stomp. "I'm Tails. Do you understand that? This isn't anything but a stupid plot device my mind's come up with."

"Did you think you were still dreaming?" Guide asks. "'Cause we left your mind a while ago. We're in the kid's."

"Are you saying there's more than one of me?"

"Now ya get it. Congrats." Guide throws his arms up. "I could go on. Parallel this and that, but I think the sentiment comes through. This dear friend, is an expression of yourself designed by one of 'Them'."

"By one of who?" I ask again.

Guide smiles a bit. "Nuh uh, you don't get the answer to that question until we're all done. But tell me something, for all it's ills and troubles there is some part of you that wants to hang on to childhood isn't there?"

I think for a second. Maybe Guide's right. In a weird sort of way, I do act a little childish sometimes. Never been too happy with the world calls growing up, (and what I call mindless conformity) still have a love of mint candy, and a complete aversion to anything that *ahem* harm my tender little eyes, but I never really thought about it too deep. Maybe while I don't necessarily want to reopen the hell that was my childhood, I'm still a sort of large kid at heart. Heck, I still pal around with my big brother every second I get...

"I think you're getting the idea." Guide starts to walk again. "C'mon, we're done with this."

"So what about Speedy von Muscles back there?" I ask as the world slips into void again. "I take it there's just as many Sonics too?"

"Yeah. Some of them are better characterized than others though." Guide smirks a little. "Oh hey," He turns around and hands me something. "Something to remember this one by."

It's a perfectly pristine Captain Vulpes figurine, head attached and everything. I take it from him and look at it for a second. "...Ya know, if being a kid means seeing everything as black and white and easy again, I can see why people are so attracted to it." I move Captain Vulpes' arm up in a salute. "Man, now that I think about it, that show really was awful."

* * *

We only walk about five minutes more, before I trip over something and hit the ground. "Geez." I pick myself up. "Could've had some warning about that."

I can see what happened though. We had walked from a no light void to a dimly lit room. 'Cept this one, I definitely recognize. It's my usual place back at Mystic Ruins, but the only lights that are on are kind of sad and brown, and all my precious junk I had lying around is gone. My pictures of me and the usual group, my Sopwith models, even my 'Chao in Space XII- The Revenge' poster.

"I was kind of dreading this one." Guide admits as we stumble through the rooms heading towards the hanger. "These types can get particularly nasty so I chose one that's...well let's just say in better condition than some of the others." We both walk into the main workshop, to find a scruffy, unwashed Tails at the desk. His head's in his paws as he sighs deeply, and I can see a large blueprint sprawled out over the desk.

"It's just not coming together." Unkempt me punches the table. "Is this all I'm good for?"

"Deja vu." I mumble. I've put up with this once or twice, it's not a nice feeling to keep.

Both of us continue to stare for a while.

"Er..." I pipe up. "Is this it?"

"Actually yeah. This one's destined to fail." Guide nods. "No matter what he does or how he does it, he'll only end up being a burden and coming back to this point over and over again. Trouble is it might get worse. He could get addicted to drugs or end up hurting himself or any number of things."

"But.." I try to reason. "I've been through these before. I'm not doomed to failure, and even if I were I've got friends who wouldn't let me do stuff like that."

Guide just looks at me and I sort of get it. _I _have friends. Tails doesn't.

"Sadness..." Guide goes on. "You've had a crummy life to start with, and you've certainly had your fill of screw ups. So why do 'They' consider this one of your traits?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe because there's a chance I'll pull out of it? And even if I don't, there's a lesson on how things can affect even a person like me." I venture a guess. This isn't my forte, but somewhere I can see a kernel of truth in that sentence. Pain is part of life and I've definitely known it. Maybe some people want a fable, or maybe they want redemption. I'm not quite sure.

"I don't want to stay here longer than I have'ta." Guide starts moving again as the world collapses around us into goo. "C'mon we've got a couple more to cover."

"But what about Mr. Gloomie back there? He gonna be alright?"

"'S not for me to say. It could be that as soon as he's done sulking he'll walk out and and get slapped with a fish by some practical joker yelling 'bout cheese or something. Or he could really be in trouble. You never quite know with 'Them.'

"Hey, stop again." I hold up a paw. "I don't get it. Are 'They' gods or something?"

"No, I don't they can create, just copy." Guide laughs a little. "Don't worry I'll explain everything later."

"Pft. You're just holding back on the answer so I'll keep wandering around with you."

"Well...yeah." Guide scratches the back of his head. "It's sort of a really lame plot hook."

"REALLY lame." I assure him.

* * *

The void disappears again, this time revealing a moonlit park. A gentle breeze blows, and I can feel it ruffle my tails.

"Hey, this isn't so bad. So what is it this time? Vampire me? Albino me? Hobo-asleep-in-the-park me?" I look around the place.

"A little worse than any of those." Guide points to a bench, where one of the many me's is sitting. This one looks like he's doing well for himself. He's in a very nice suit, and is holding the paw of...someone. It's impossible to make out who that sitting next to him is...

"And that moon? The moon is nothing compared to your eyes." Well-dressed me states dreamily while looking at his unidentifiable partner.

"Holy Eindeckers, that's laying it on a little thick." I try to get closer to observe who Casanova me's partner is, but Guide stops me.

"You don't need to worry about that. Just worry about yourself."

I continue to stare utterly perplexed.

"You know, I never knew how wonderful love could truly be before I met you..." Slap-Me-Now me went on. "I truly believe we are soulmates."

"I don't even get this one." I shake my head.

"Like the other two it ties into innocence." Guide looks at the pair. "Young love, first love. You're usually the pure one ain't ya? You're also a template for this sort of thing."

"Yeah but I don't lay on that thick. And I kind of like...ya know...but I wouldn't say I'm head over heals like th-" I stop. "Don't tell me. I'm not in love, Tails is."

"You got it Romeo." Guide slaps me on the back. "This is the one "They" love the most really. You have to admit, it is kind of cute seeing you two together."

"But I don't even know who that i-" I protest before Guide drags me away again and the world melts into void.

* * *

"One more." Guide promises. "And then we'll get to the real meat of the thing. And I think you'll sort of like and hate this one at the same time."

The world comes back into focus again. We're back at Mystic Ruins, but it's _really_ different now. Someone's ripped out my bedroom and replaced it with a full on laboratory. A me in glasses and lab coat is weighing two beakers carefully.

"Hm..." Doctor me studies the liquids inside carefully. "Interesting. So the glorfonium is only relevant to the Harkey Formula when K equals twice the amount of X!"

"'They' kind of talk out of their collective asses sometimes don't they." I look on, stunned.

"Tell me about it." Guide smiles. "I ripped half of my stuff off from Kojima."

"Half of your-what?" I look at him.

"Shh..shh..You'll miss the best part." Guide shoos me away from the subject.

Another very familiar gust of wind. I smile a bit and listen to the some of the beakers crash off the table.

"Don't do that!" Ivy League Graduate me turns around to face Sonic. "How many times have I warned you not to whisk around wilily nilly in my lab while I'm experimentaerting!"

I start to catch on a little bit. This was obviously someone who's only dictionary consisted of Firefox spell check.

"Yeah, whatever Tails." The Sonic shuts Doctor me up and continues. "Look he's getting away. We're talking space here! As awesome as I am, there's no way I can jump that high on my own."

I smile a little. There's the Sonic I know.

"Ah." My bespectacled stand-in smiled. "You require transportation. Hold on." The scientist me runs off through a door, and within no less than five metal clangs ran out. "There. I have converted the plane to a rocketship using nothing but a rubber band and an old bottlecap."

"_What_ did he do my plane?" I head for the same door.

"Hey, hey." Guide stops me. "First of all, it's not _your_ plane, it belongs to Tails."

"But it's the...the..." I sniff a little. "Look I'm all for building rockets out of bottlecaps, but..."

"Intelligence. But little else." Guide cuts me off. "You know what he does? Nothing. He invents stuff but never fights, never participates, just thinks. Figure this one out."

"I get it." I say a little deadpan. "People need something to project intelligence onto. I'm sort of, kind of smart.."

"You're a genius no matter what you say." Guide smiles.

"But I guess it's important to hae someone there isn't it? Someone who really can do crazy impossible things."

"You got this one." Guide nodded and the world fell apart again.

"But seriously? Only five metal clangs? I can do it in twelve maybe..."

"Hardy, har, har."

* * *

"So how about the big revelation?" I asked as we walked back into the void. "Who are 'They'?"

Guide smiles. "In some universes you are who are you are now. In some other places you're a character in a storybook..etc. You get it?"

"This is gonna sting isn't it?"

"The big revelation." Guide puts his paws behind his head. "Is that you inspire people."

"What, why?" I raised an eyebrow.

"You're innocent, you know what pain is and you can pull through it. You're a Casanova, you're intelligent. Get it?"

"But I'm none of those things! I mean, not like that. Maybe a little..."

"Did you know there's one out there exactly like you?" Guide asks. "Except he doesn't really spend all his time with that plane, and is way too shy to be sarcastic?"

"Oh..." My ears fell. "You mean I'm something from one of 'Them'?"

"No, you were always here. 'They' just point it out. There's probably a Tails out there that's made up entirely of electrical tape. 'They' just haven't pointed him out yet so I can't show him to you."

"So, who pointed me out?"

Guide smiles again. "Yeahhh...guess."

"Ah, that's kind of nice. So I inspire you huh?"

Guide seems to shrink a little. "I'm...alright look. I'm kind of shy...and to tell the truth, it's a lot easier to...it's just easier to talk through you I guess. I'm sort of a screw up in real life."

"Eh, so am I."

"Yeah, exactly. That's probably why I chose to write about you.'

"Write about me?" I chuckle. "Alright, I think I figured it out. 'They' are writers?"

"Yeah. Not all of 'Them' go to extremes like that, but it made for a fun night of examples. Hopefully you got the point anyway."

"Uh..." I try to piece it together. "My existence these past sixteen years doesn't just mean something to me, it means a lot to you guys too doesn't it?"

"Bingo." Guide snaps his fingers. "Just try to remember that. We're watching...well sort of, okay?"

It was kind of weird. I was slowly understanding all of this at once. The trip wasn't just to punish me for questioning my self worth, it was about finding out what and who I really could be. Or come to think about it, who some of me already are.

"So who exactly are you?" I shake my head at Guide.

"No one important. But say hi to Sora and Craig for me." Guide salutes and within seconds turns into goo and fades into the background of the void.

"Uh...who the heck are they?" I raise an eyebrow to no one in particular.

"Who the heck are who?" A voice echoes in the void.

Blinking a bit, I'm suddenly back in bed. Sonic's standing next to it holding my alarm clock.

"Ugh." I throw a pillow over my head. "Great. Five minutes before the alarm goes off ya know."

"I know. I got sick of waiting." Sonic throws the clock to the floor where it crashes with a loud ring. "C'mon Sparks, we got a full day of running ahead of us. Oh and by they way..." He thwacks me over the head with another pillow. "Happy 16th Tails."


End file.
